Tag: art

Just a normal day

So I decided to fry some eggs. I grab the frying pan, and it asks me, “Which floor?”. Unfazed, I pull a piano out of my pocket and press the brake pedal. Suddenly, a flight attendant pops out of the oven and politely asks: “Tea, coffee, or hold a brick?”. I chose the brick, because it was checkered blue and smelled of spring.

I step out onto the balcony and see — instead of a courtyard, there’s an ocean of kefir. I get into a submarine, start the chainsaw, and then a traffic cop on a dolphin stops me. He whistles into a cucumber and says:

— Why are you without a panama hat in a public place?

I show him my passport, but instead of a photo, there’s a dressed herring. He bursts into tears of joy, gifts me a cactus, and flies away on an umbrella towards Syzran.

I go back inside, wanting to put the cactus in a vase, but the vase has married a vacuum cleaner and left on a honeymoon to the mezzanine. Well, I spit, wiped the sweat away with a towel, but it turned out to be the neighbor’s cat. The cat meowed, turned into 18 rubles in a single coin, and rolled under the sofa.

I approach it, get in the elevator, sit down on a bicycle, start a motorcycle, then bang, a conductor comes up to me and says, “Sir, give up your seat”. And I say I don’t smoke. Then this kid starts crying! But I didn’t lose my cool, and hit him on the face, and he grabs his knee and screams: “My back! My back!”

I exit this electric train,

and see, there’s a minibus standing there. Well, I approach and say: “Winston Blue and 0.5 vodka”. But it gives me Bond and beer. I take this prima and moonshine, and run away from those cops! Then these firefighters caught up with me in an ambulance! Caught up and say: “You forgot your change!”. So, I take a kilogram of apples and head to the market to trade.

I bring them, haven’t even set out these bananas, right then an old lady runs up and buys all the peaches, and tells me to put them in a small bag! And I think, she’s totally insane, how am I supposed to put 20 watermelons into her bag?! I took the money and went home! Never went to the forest again… didn’t touch mushrooms… even quit smoking.